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The clock has ticked past midnight and you have awoken, the final clouds of lavender haze dispersing to reveal scarred oak flooring beneath.
You lay on a white fainting couch in a wood-panelled room — the circular table to your right is tableclothed by littered scribblings and worn-out books, both academic and poetry. As you stand and look up to the paradisal stained glass ceiling, you realise ‘of course, this is the Tortured Poets Department’.
Suddenly, your purple faux-fur jacket and bejewelled phone case feel slightly out of place. Time to make some style upgrades, starting with that coat.
COSY CARDIGANS AND JACKETS
To truly embody the energy of a sleepless, heartbroken humanities academic, some cosy layers are absolutely essential. Pull the long sleeves over your hands while you sit by lanternlight at your desk, pen at the ready. For the sustainability-conscious, small-business-loving reader, anti-fast fashion retailer Lisa Says Gah has racks upon racks of cosy cardigans and jackets waiting for the budding poet (who is currently dealing with a breakup).
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The timeless Louie Jacket is a blend of fashion and utility — ideal for the Poetry 101 tutor who is running between lecture halls all day — and is offered in the colour Smoke, appropriate for writing poems during your downtime by the log fireplace in the faculty lounge. Alternatively, the bow-printed Lauda Cardi in the colourway Merlot is better suited for the twee poet, who writes in loopy cursive outside as the sun slowly sets, sipping a vintage red all the while.
If the protesting for higher wages has not yet yielded, an affordable option like Cotton On’s Luxe Rib Cardi can curate the same cosy vibe but save some of your coins for the bookstore.
With multiple colourways, this cropped number would pair well with a plaid skirt or high-rise trousers for a perfected academia aesthetic.
NOTEBOOKS FOR POEMS AND UNHINGED LETTERS TO YOUR EX
Your notebook is where all of your little throwaway thoughts and your big Earth-shattering ideas will rest — your best lines and your silliest metaphors. This notebook will become your best friend during the impending listening party, as inspiration inevitably arises. And since you two will be spending so much time together, it is worth investing in a notebook reflecting your own style and sensitivities.
For the minimalist who creatively thrives with no clutter and only a true blank slate in front of them, the Karst Hard Cover Notebook is waiting for you. A neat and tidy A5 size, this notebook could, at a push, fit into the pocket of your new large cardigan, alongside your favourite pen — ready for whenever the urge to write overtakes you.
The equally elegant and totally classic Pocket Notebook from Moleskin has been a staple among renegade writers for years. Otherwise, for lovers of kitsch, options abound — this blue and cream Papier Lined Notebook, for example, features intricately illustrated icons and a green ribbon bookmark inside, so you never lose your place even when you are in the midst of a whirlwind romance.
For anyone who is poor on time, you can save yourself future shopping trips by picking up a notebook set, like this dreamy three-pack with stitched spines and watercolour illustrations on the cover.
AESTHETIC ACADEMIA ACCESSORIES
For a holistic experience, don’t just make your world look like one never-ending Tortured Poets Department — the smell of wooden furniture and slightly wilting flowers is also crucial to the experience.
Jo Malone seems to have curated scents specifically with this album in mind, with combinations like Wood Sage & Sea Salt, Peony & Blush Suede, and Pomegranate Noir. Burn these candles as you enter a writing frenzy, the warmth and small wisps of smoke flickering in your periphery.
If you are not a pomegranate fan, this Italian Summer Soy Candle sings with brighter citrus notes, ideal for the poet in residency at a European estate who snacks on oranges that they have just plucked from a nearby tree. For sensitive noses, simply enjoy the warm glow and berry colour without the scent with the Goldie Berry Taper Candles.
Coffee is the obvious choice for consumables, with all the long nights you will spend toiling over your work. The appropriately titled Night Owl Blend from Chamberlain Coffee could quickly become your signature drink. If you prefer a cold beverage, the Cold Brew Mason Jar will look picturesquely balanced next to your armfuls of poetry as you walk back home from the library.
Now to address that bejewelled phone case — you can still make the whole room shimmer, but instead of large gems under club lights, you will be glimmering like sunlight bouncing off shiny marbled walls with this elegant Custom Phone Case.
If you need a little bit of colour, this Butterfly Lithograph Phone Case will look at home on the table alongside the notes you have scratched down for future work or in the tall grass as you write among the monarch butterflies.
Featuring some masterful artwork on your phone case with the Claude Monet “Bridge Over a Pond of Water Lilies” Case, which is also sure to be cohesive among the Tortured Poets Department aesthetic — colour is a language and art is a type of poetry.
Finally, for when your poetry collection about your ravaged heart is finally published or if you want to keep track of the books you have read and loved for inspiration along the way, this Personal Library Kit is essential for any employee at The Tortured Poets Department. This nifty kit revives old-fashioned library circulation techniques, so all your precious books, loaned out to students or friends, eventually find their way back to you — even if he never does. Ugh.
